A while back I had to go for a colonoscopy at Naas General Hospital. It was just a routine thing. There’s nothing wrong with my general arse/colon area but I do have to keep an eye on it due to family history.
My appointment was on a Thursday so the night before I had to prepare. Now that wasn’t pretty but the following day was great altogether. Daddy Chambers had to take the day off work because at four and two Aidan and Sarah are way to young to stay home alone. Oh and because I was sedated for the procedure, I wasn’t allowed drive home so he had to be my taxi driver. So not only did I not have to do the school run, I had a chauffeur too.
Anyway I was due to have the colonoscopy at 10am and himself turfed me out at the entrance to Naas General at 9.30am. I found the day ward, was told to check in and sent to the waiting room. Soon after a nurse called me down to the day ward. I wasn’t sure what I was expecting but I wasn’t expecting my own bed. I changed in to my dressing gown, gave my details, was asked for a urine sample and told I’d be called when the doctor was ready.
Of course I couldn’t produce a sample and they wouldn’t beleive I wasn’t pregnant. It was then I made a mental note to get ride of the belly chub! Now if it was 3am and I was tucked up in a warm cosy bed I’d need to go! Due to my inability to p*ss I missed my colonoscopy slot. When I eventually p*ssed in the bottle, the doctor was way behind schedule so I had to just sit tight.
And here’s where it gets good. Didn’t I lie down in the bed and go to sleep at 12 in the day. I wasn’t asleep because a child was napping, or because it was night time; I was asleep because there was nothing else to do, which is rather different to all my other days off work. It was bliss.
It was 2pm by the time I was woken by a nurse to tell me the doctor was ready for my procedure. Despite my power nap I was a bit nervous about having a tube with a camera shoved up my arse but I had no option but to go with it.
I was assured by the nurse I wouldn’t feel a thing and right she was. The minute I was given the sedative, your man could have shoved 22 cameras up my arse and I wouldn’t have noticed. As far as I remember the colonoscopy took a matter of minutes and I have a vague recollection of being told that all was well with my insides.
After that I was wheeled back to the day ward and told to take it easy until the sedative wore off. I did exactly what I was told to do, which isn’t like me! I curled up in a wee ball, and with the comfort of my fleece dressing gown against me, I slept. And then I slept some more. When I eventually woke up it was 7pm!
What’s seldom is wonderful
I’m guessing I slept from about 3pm to 7pm. It was like a dream; a dream day for a parent. I was dropped off at a place with a clean bed waiting for me and got a total of five hours sleep. Granted I had a randomer stick something up my arse, but nonetheless it was a breath of fresh air to just rest for the day in my dressing gown! I don’t even get five hours sleep most nights, never mind during the day.
Before I was allowed to go home I was made eat tea and toast. Jaysus it was lovely. Had they replaced the tea with wine, it might just have been the perfect day.
I don’t know what I was expecting but I wasn’t expecting to be in there the whole day and to get so much rest. Is it really sad that a day in the day ward for a colonoscopy was one of the most chilled out days I’ve had in ages? I think I may need to get out more. The trouble is, wherever I go to when I do get out more, won’t allow me to have five hours sleep without a child in sight!
I later discovered that your man that did my colonoscopy was the son of former Iraqi information minister who was known as ‘Comical Ali’. Well young Comical Ali can shove his rod up my arse again if it means I get five hours sleep in the middle of the day!
Speaking of hospitals, I had Aidan and Sarah in The Coombe and they were wonderful. See my post on it here.